Saturday, December 12, 2009

Whatcha doin' there, friend?


"Say, friend. Whatcha got goin' on there? That looks like kind of a funny way to read a book. What's all the business surrounding you? I'm a little confused.


"I'm looking at what you're doing, and I like it. But -- BUT -- it strikes me that you must have two books in front of you, one a foot further away from you than the other. I know I could be doing it wrong, but I guess when I read a book, I always try to read just one at a time. And what are those things appended to your armature? Are those mirrors?


"What in the Sam Hell are you up to, friend?"

"What's that?" http://linguafranca.mirror.theinfo.org/9706/fieldnotes.html

"Oh, now I see. I think. What's that you say? 'Crazy is as crazy does.' Amen, brother. Amen."

Labels: , ,

Saturday, December 16, 2006

The Christmas Grotesque



With the arrival of the holiday season, a new and strange feature has appeared on the British cultural landscape: Santa's Grotto. As was intimated in the previous images from the "Eskimo fiesta" in Croydon, these spaces are installed in shopping malls, in community centers and so on. But why, so Old Ken found himself asking, should Santa Claus inhabit a grotto? And what do grottoes have to do with Christmas?

Obviously, some fieldwork was necessary to get to the bottom of these mysteries. So, Old Ken set out for one of the West End's busiest shopping centers to see Santa's Grotto in action.



What becomes rapidly clear is that whatever exactly Santa's Grotto is, it certainly is difficult to see. Installed below ground level in the bowels of the department store, a truly circuitous path must be followed to arrive at the Grotto; one clerk in this particular store described the path to the Grotto as "maze-like." I think she is right—there is something labyrinthine about Santa's Grotto and, more generally, about the Christmas Grotesque.



Alas, here the fieldwork foundered. For, manned by several officious, clip-board carrying guards and the hulking baby carriages visible in the photograph above, our entry into the Grotto was completely blocked. All we were allowed was the small peek depicted in the previous image. But where exactly was Santa? And what happened in this grotto? Turning to our friend the internet, Old Ken found some answers from a surprising place. Apparently, in the Cambodian village of Arey Ksach, the grotto shown above was constructed to mark the Christmas season. According to http://www.parish-without-borders.net:

"Outside the church the villagers had erected a large grotto to represent the cave where Christ was born. It was almost as large as the church itself and seemed to be made of piled fish traps covered with plastic rice bags stitched together and spray painted a mottled green. After mass the whole congregation went outside to pray before the grotto and then to go in to kiss the statue of the baby Jesus."


As wonderfully weird as this mixture of cultural traditions is, a certain consistency can be observed. That is, according to one tradition, Jesus was actually born in a grotto below the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem (reputedly constructed by the mother of Constantine, the emperor who converted the Roman empire to Christianity) and then moved to a manger nearby. By this tradition, below the marble floor in the image above—just visible through this hole perforated in the silver, fourteen-pointed star—lies the grotto in which Jesus was born. Accordingly, what has happened in this Cambodian village is that a grotto is created to house sculptural representations of the characters from the Nativity scene.

But, what are we to make of these British people who place into this grotto Santa Claus—a figure who certainly had nothing to do with the Nativity in the Bible? And what does any of this have to do with the grotesque? Let's take that second query first. As we know, grotesque is etymologically derived from grotto. The English term "grotesque" comes from the early modern French "crotesque," an adaptation of the Old French "crote" or Italian "grotta" (meaning cave)—a corrution of the Latin (and ultimately Greek) "crypta". The Renaissance in Italy was a time of extensive excavation as ground was cleared for rebuilding and ancient remains uncovered. Promptly thereafter, the word "grotesque" seems to have entered numerous modern languages. As the Oxford English Dictionary explains: "The etymological sense of grottesca would be ‘painting appropriate to grottos’. The special sense is commonly explained by the statement that grotte, ‘grottoes’, was the popular name in Rome for the chambers of ancient buildings which had been revealed by excavations, and which contained those mural paintings that were the typical examples of ‘grotesque.'"

But, "grotesque" has come to mean much more than this. It connotes the exaggerated, the absurd, bizarre, and ludicrous—that which is fantastically strange, and not a little spooky. As literary critic Geoffrey Harpham has claimed: "The groteque is a structure, the structure of estrangement. Suddenness and surprise [...] are essential elements in this estrangement; the familiar and commonplace must be suddenly subverted or undermined by the uncanny or alien."


Now, I would suggest that popular culture has produced many recent versions of this Christmas grotesque. From Billy Bob Thornton's filthy-bearded, hard-drinking, anal-sex-loving "Bad Santa" ...


... to the elongated, furry fingers of Jim Carrey's "Grinch." Yet, as the student of popular culture will readily recognize, these modern Christmas grotesqueries come from a long and storied past.


Social historian Ronald Hutton has admirably described how the "ritual year" of late medieval England began with the run-up to Christmas—a season of revels, when houses would be decked with the greenery and the work-a-day cycle of life interrupted by excessive behavior. Overseeing these festivities were a cast of playful miscreants—Lords of Misrule and Boy Bishops (children who acted as the leading religious authorities of the land). But, like the aesthetic of the grotesque itself, these figures of excess were transitory, serving to puncture holes into the fabric of everyday life, which would then be repaired once the decorations had been taken down and the Christmas season was over.

And so it is at the shopping malls. That is, the grotto structures in which British children visit Santa Clause are not permanent. They are temporarily erected for the holiday and typically taboo behavior—such as taking pictures in malls, as Avid Vermont Reader has keenly noted—is positively encouraged. Thus, Old Ken wonders if the Santa's Grotto and the Christmas grotesque really superimpose two fantasy structures upon one another. On the one hand, you have some random guy who, for a period of three weeks, is hired to dress up like a buffoon in brightly-colored clothing and to exaggerate (by means of prostheses) his girth and hairiness, thus signalling his appetitive, excessive nature. During this small segment of time, such a temporarily-transformed man is not only allowed but paid to do what otherwise would be completely taboo (at least in Britain): hang out all day in a mall wearing funny clothes as one stranger after another pays to place their child on his lap. In his grotto, Santa Claus is surely an exaggerated figure of this jolly, seasonal relaxation of taboo and, thus, centerpiece of the Christmas grotesque.

But, surely there is (at least) one other fantasy operating here. I think it works something like this: down into the depths of a structure we track, following a labyrthine pathway, seeking a hidden and closely-protected cave. From such a cave, we know, once came a divine being. Now, we need not draw upon psychoanalysis to observe that such a passage brings us to a kind of womb—a point only underscored by the strange, Medusa-like tendrils surrounding the Sancta Sanctorum in Bethlehem visible in the photograph above.

So, what are we doing if - - imagining ourselves here as the Grotto's ideal visitor, the parent with child - - we bring our young being to this womb's replica. What is the purpose? Is it a sacrifice? Is it some sort of initiation rite? Although Old Ken's first-hand fieldwork is admittedly limited here, neither of these possibilities seem terribly convincing.

A more compelling option is suggested by comparison with the standard "Santa encounter" in the US. There, children are simply brought to the mall to sit on Santa's knee in full, public view. By contrast, isn't the implication of placing the child in a re-creation of the birthplace of Christ that he/she could be the second-coming embodied? Perhaps, this helps us to understand the seemingly-incomprehensible presence of Santa Claus in this primal scene. In this reading, the frightening, apocalyptic possibilities of this grotesque revelation about one's own child are mitigated by the reassuring presence of Santa who effectively functions as a fetish. In Santa's Grotto, we meet and embrace both possibilities of the Christmas Grotesque.

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

32 Pooches + 1 School Bus = Wow!




Just one German shepherd can be quite a lot to handle.



A very, er, demonstrative dog (with the emphasis on the "demon").


Well, what would happen if you got - - oh, I don't know - - say, 32 of these pooches together?


And then, you loaded them all up onto a schoolbus? Well, chances are, you'd get some of this:


That's right; some good preachin'. Such, it seems, was the plan of a former resident of Bridgewater, N.H. who made the news. Having received complaints about the racket from and maltreatment of his undernourished, neglected (and no doubt very, very angry) pooches, said man explained that he was heading out west and hoping to get a rural town to give him a place to live free as their preacher.


Now, say we visualize this scene in small town Montana. You could probably hear the sound of the dogs barking about five minutes before the bedraggled school bus actually made it onto the main street. The smell of fetid fur and feces would probably then be oppressive as soon as the bus door opened. So, how many of the fine residents of this small town would then turn to one another and solemnly pronounce: "Well, there's our preacher"?

Labels: ,

Saturday, August 13, 2005

A Tribute to Davey



As old friend Davey (who you may see in silhouette above) is soon coming to live in the Old Country (Buffet), I thought now might be a good time to share a little something I've had on the docket for sometime.

Have you ever been to Appleby's or other similar "casual dining" establishments? Well, those places seem to practically define themselves on the ridiculous names they give their food. The pattern Old Ken has found most absurd is that based upon "Surf n' Turf" formula; that is, a pairing of two dissimilar foods that are meant to conjoin through a play of words. Well, while on an extended lost weekend with Davey a few years back, we began to meditate on this formula, and develop a few of our own novel variations.



As you'll see from the page of drawings above, the first efforts Old Ken made in formalizing our inventions were humble. Simple lines intertwining, as a great musician once said.



Yet, soon the dream came into greater clarity and a whole menu itself materialized. As you scroll down through the next few images, please feast your eyes upon these scrumptious "Sweet Appeteazers." Then, don't hesitate to follow the advice of the laughing, jolly pig and "Get your trotters wet!"





Because the text of the menu is a little difficult to read on the web, I thought I'd provide a transcript here as captions to the tempting morsels. As Davey is very keen to expand the menu, please feel free to post any further dish suggestions in the comment section—and do include recipes!



"Whale Tail, Snail & Flail: 'Call me Delicious!' So begins our seafood lover's voyage, a veritable odyssey of marine flavors. Savory whale tail blend with our finest escargot. $14.99"



"Foxes' Noses, Oxes' Toeses: Succulent poach fox noses served with the most tender ox toes we can find. For your pleasure, we garnish these little guys with our special hollandaise sauce. $12.50"



"Cheese and Sneeze Platter: Here it is! Piled high with a melange of exotic cheeses and fresh, meaty noses, the Cheese and Sneeze is the dish that put us one the map! Noses vary by season but the cheese is always great—and that's nothing to sneeze at. $12.99"

Labels: , ,

Friday, February 25, 2005

Marie's Day in the Park



Do you have a hero? Someone whom you look up to, perhaps when the proverbial chips are down, when life seems to have dealt you a tough hand? Well, my lovely sister Marie does. And that hero's name is Ellen—Ellen Macarthur. Or, better yet, Dame Ellen as she is now properly known.

Let Old Ken bring those of you States-side up to date here, as I understand that you may not have the same proud tradition of yachting as we do in "ye olde countree." Perhaps y'all back in the States think that yachting (which totally destroys golf, by the way) is just some kind of activity that a bunch of rich people with nothing better to do spend a lot of money on. No, no;we here in Britain know that people on yachts aren't rich swine; they're heroes! And it's especially heroic to dispense with the regular hired help on a yacht and go for a long sail all by yourself, as our Ellen did. Not only does this kind of self-sacrifice raise you into the glistening firmament of British cultural heroes—right there alongside Tony Blair, Wayne Rooney and dancing sensation Bez—but it can even separate you permanently from the great unwashed, should the Queen herself be tempted to introduce you into the peerage. Congratulations Ellen!

So, on a cold, grey afternoon not so long ago, Marie and I made our way down to that great center of English maritime history, Greenwich. There, beneath the prodigious historical shadow of the famous Cutty Sark, Dame Ellen disembarked from her well-traveled yacht and thrilled the crowd with a fascinating account of how she had entertained celebrities, prepared peacock-liver pâté and managed a rigorous fitness regiment while circumnavigating the globe. Marie, always eager for a little lime-light, tried her best to catch Dame Ellen's eye. But, as you can see from the jubilant faces of the rapt audience, Ellen was too busy working the crowd like a master magician; Marie and I were certainly worked up into quite a frenzy.



To cool things down a bit (but only a bit), Marie and I made our way down to the waterfront itself, where Ellen's boat lay at moor. Marie remarked that it seemed smaller than she had expected. We reminisced a bit about our childhood on our own humble craft. I mused a bit on where Dame Ellen must have housed the orchestra for her fancy-dress ball. Canary Wharf, that majestic home of commerce, smiled down on us from a distance. By the time we got home, Marie was ready for a nap—she was plum-tuckered out after all that excitement.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Studies in the History of My Birth



Since Old Ken started this blog, he has gotten quite a few questions. "Is all of this true?" "Was it unpleasant conducting experiments on the fruit of the sea?" And so on. However, the question I have heard most frequently is this: how were you born? In fact, there have been so many requests for this information that I feel I would be doing an injustice were I not to take the time to share my story.

As many of you know, I was born on a boat. Well, this is not entirely accurate. Technically, I was born beside a boat; in the water, that is. For, I was a water birth. My parents, like many who began having children in the 1890s, had done some research into what were then considered alternative birthing options. Through their reading, they learned that, evolved from water mammals (the dolphin, narwhal and majestic manatee particularly) as we humans are, aquatic parturition was probably the most natural option. Because they were living on a boat at the time, my father (who happens to be quite handy in that way) constructed a kind of harness apparatus along side of their vessel (HMS Red Ship of Spain), complete with a ladder, that my mother could descend as her contractions began.

I should say here that the drawing you see above is my own personal rendering of the way I visualize the scene of my birth might have been. Now, before any confusion arises, let me clarify the parameters and truth claims of this drawing. I have no proof that on or even near the time of my birth the moon was (say) full. Nor am I able to provide any kind of forensic documentation verifying that near the time of my birth my father (lithe and nimble swimmer though I have depicted him as having been) actually had no face. That is, I would like for you to think of this drawing as a possible suggestion of the circumstances under which a young Digby (Ken, that is) emerged forth from the briny depths and into this place we call the world.

Now, I recognize that you connoisseurs of my life will immediately object that this is an over-simplified account. Point taken, friend. In my defense, I'll say this. Unlike my artistic idol Sheridan Bucket, I am not that handy with a horse-hair brush. Lacking in confidence in my ability to render my finned friends, I have omitted from the drawing the pod of interested porpoises that immediately swam by as I was born, calling out with the irrepressible joy of their characteristic song. A notable omission for, later in life, I have often thought back to this primordial call—allowing its still-reverberating tones to play across my heart strings, and thereby to connect me with my own, true inner porpoise.

In fact, as my passport photo (below) suggests, I think this song has helped me to become The Man from A Place you know today.

Labels: