British TV: An Intervention

British television has numerous low points. Laments about dramas like "The Bill," "Coronation Street," or "East Enders" (pictured above) are certainly familiar.



Further, there are egregious wrongs. While television executives seem to think that we should care about the assclown pictured above, one of the first, most shocking discoveries Old Ken came across after landing on these fair shores was a television program called simply: "Extreme Plastic Surgery Live." Broadcast during the middle of the day (so I found while trying to overcome jetlag), this show just filmed people having unbelievable surgeries—not just nose jobs and breast implants, which were unpleasant enough, but penis widening (involving the grafting of skin from a corpse onto some fool's penis) and a process called "anal bleaching." This is a family blog, and Old Ken will not trouble the reader's dreams with images thereof. But, let me assure you, the medical procedure required to achieve this desideratum is not one to watch while in the midst of full blown jet lag or while on a glue-sniffing bender.



In the midst of this unbelievably low brow fare, yours truly was refreshed to see a recent advertisement that looks like someone accidentally broadcast a screensaver. So my question to all the British TV execs out there is this: why delay the inevitable? Why not preempt the competition and rush to the bottom of the barrel to which all are heading anyway? Why not give us what people seem truly to want? That's right: "Britain's Fattest Dog!" The concept is obvious, the subjects are certainly slow moving, but no less captivating for it.

Just a suggestion.